we Co-Exist;;

got

twunnnysix

dayys[?]

oh, god.

oh, god.

oh,dear god.

please, please make the end come faster.

how about tomorrow. or five minutes from now.
sigh. I don't understand myself.
All I know, is that I miss you alot more than I expected to.
But I still think I made the right choice probably.
I don't know.

what do I know.

I know nothing.

Except that I don't know anything.

Except that I know that I miss you. and that everything woud have been so much easier if I could have just been in love with you.

realization, hurts alot.

Everything was easier when I was crazy about you, darling Benjamin.
You went away to rehab
[again, might I add.]
and I realized that every day without you was a day I preferred to a day with you.
I realized that every moment I spend alone is one I'd rather have than one spent with you.
I realized that I don't want to spend another second in your presence, in your arms, in your gaze, in your mind-

Ever.

 Never again, ben.
that's what I want.
     I want to erase you from my memory and pretend you never called me beautiful. I want to push you away without saying anything and pretend none of this ever happened.

I don't want to see you tomorrow, I don't want to see you next week, I don't want to go out with you, i don't want to kiss you, I don't want to want you, I don't want to be near you, I don't want to miss you.

 But the problem with that, is that above all,

  i don't want to hurt you.

`p l e a S e;

take me back to the beginning,
to the time where I knew where I was

going;

Take me away from inse

curity,

Show me all the words I need to

find.

I can't breathe in all this goddamn suffocation

It  seems  I  can't  remember  how  to

Feel.

I'm stuck in the deep ends of fictional <confusion>

 [and it seems that I can't recognise what's real.]

i'm talking to Shawn fucking skidmore again.

thats the wierdest thing I've done in about a year.

by far.